Thursday, October 21, 2010
The good and the sad.....
Well the news we got on Monday was not what we were expecting since I didn't have any spotting, cramping or bleeding. We really thought we had beat the odds. But that wasn't God's plan for us. Baby A has "vanished", well not really completely, the sac is still there but there isn't a heartbeat.....Vanishing Twin Syndrome. To say we were devastated is an understatement, but the silver lining is Baby B is big, fat and healthy! My little peanut is measuring 2 days ahead of schedule and had a heart beat of a strong 178! I was released from the RE to go to my regular OB and I was told I am now just a "normal" pregnant woman! Wow that was amazing. It has really been a difficult week. I can't even begin to explain my feelings expect to say I feel guilty for being happy for my remaining miracle baby and I feel guilty for being sad for my miracle in heaven. I know with time it will get better and I am doing my best to focus on my growing miracle. One of the hardest things is looking at the pics of our miracle from Monday because they all show the empty sac. I know that God has a plan and this is his plan for us. So as Chris said, "our miracle will always have a very special guardian angel watching over it." And that thought really does make me smile even if I have a tear in my eye. I wanted to thank all of you for your prayers and thoughts, they truely mean the world to me. Please continue to pray for our little miracle still growing and please say a little prayer for my angel in heaven. Thanks again to everyone! I go to the Dr on Nov 1st, but I will try to update between now and then. God Bless each and everyone of you!
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I don't know if you know, but I was originally pregnant with triplets. At my first ultrasound, Baby A and C had strong heartbeats, but Baby B was measuring smaller and with a slower heartrate. When I went back a few weeks later, there was just an empty sac as well where Baby B had been. I have been praying that would not be the case for you. I'm so very sorry. . .my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so grateful that your other baby is growing and healthy. . .how wonderful. It's really happening and I'm so excited for you!!! God bless!
ReplyDeleteWhile I know that there are no words I can say that will ease your heart about your "Angel Peanut" - just know that God heals all wounds and His plan is perfect. I cannot imagine the tug-of-war your heart is feeling while y'all attempt to grieve for one baby and celebrate the new life of another - We are here in Louisiana praying for y'all - please do keep us updated. Take good care of your "normal pregnant" self!
ReplyDeletePrayers for your Peanut,
Lindsey
Amy - I DO know how you feel. This same thing happened to me. We saw baby B for one ultrasound and by the next time, it was just gone. I was SO afraid this was what was happening, but didn't EVEN want to say anything. Yes, you will experience MANY ups and downs. I supressed all of my feelings of hurt and loss because I was STILL pregnant and SO thankful to have Malachi growing healthy inside of me. I think it all came pouring out on his 1st birthday. I didn't realize why I was so upset until that night laying in bed just crying uncontrollably. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks - I should've been celebrating twins. I know it's quite common for this to happen and that before we did ultrasounds so early, there were PLENTY of women pregnant with twins who never knew. But, it doesn't help the fact that you saw a heartbeat on a monitor and you saw two living miracles. DO NOT feel guilty about mourning the loss of your baby. It is a miscarriage just like any other and you are allowed to mourn, while celebrating the joyous life inside of you at the same time. YOU ARE ALLOWED! Yes, having a baby thanks to modern technology is a miracle - but sometimes that modern technology shows us things that we wish we would've never seen!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and I'm here for you girl - Celebrating and Mourning!